Trusting God To Plan Your Family...
As the "only child" of an "only child" (my mother, my childhood was spent with Me, Myself & I), I didn't have to think of other people much or their feelings. I didn't have to learn to share, didn't have anyone else to blame my mistakes on, didn't have anyone to play with except unpredictable schoolmates on occasion. I was in my own little world at home with my horses & dogs. I used my imagination to create stories with my toys and role played all the parts alone. I didn't know any other life so I didn't know what I could be missing or how that could affect my character for the better.
When I was a teenager I met my future husband thru my only good friend. Neither of us were Christians at that time, although he was brought up a good Catholic & attended parochial school for his elementary years. We ended up living together for five years before we were married, during which time we both came to know Jesus Christ as our Lord & Savior at different times & under different circumstances. We got married in June of 1988 and continued on with our lives. I was in college & working & didn't want children right then. Gary asked me again about children when I was almost done with college (I was on the 5 yr plan). I was really ambivalent because I knew that the whole thing was going to hurt in a big way & I have never been one much for pain. We had some pretty heated discussions over the issue but I was really reluctant to change my life as I was having fun DJing weddings & parties, working full time at a clothing store & finishing up my last semester of school. One day after listening to Walter Martin on the radio telling a listener on The Bible Answer Man show that it was fine for Christians not to have children because the whole Genesis "fill up the world" verse had been fulfilled I came home & told Gary I was perfectly justified in my position because this Godly man on the radio said so.
Well, he informed me that when he signed up for this gig I had agreed to have children so after a very huge sigh I realized that my marriage was going to go nowhere if I didn't give in on this issue. I got pregnant a few months later & our first child, a daughter, was born by a totally unnecessary C-section 9 months later (this was the reason we ended up researching birthing choices & deciding on homebirths for our future children). She ended up being nursed 5 years even though I had always said I was never going to breastfeed babies. She ended up sleeping in our bed, then our bedroom until she was a teen even though I said I would never have children in bed with me. She wore cloth diapers even though I said I would never use cloth diapers, etc. God used that child to start a marvelous work in my heart & now He had something He could use to actually start changing my character to be less selfish & learn to be more like Jesus. Funny how kids do that.
When she was 2 years old, Gary started asking me again about more children. I was really scared this time, kind of like when you get your ears pierced and the first one you know it will hurt but you have not experienced the actual pain yet. Then they go for your second ear & you are ready this time & it really hurts more because you are braced against it (hmm, maybe that is just me, did I mention I'm not one much for pain? :) Cesareans are no walk in the park. Don't ever let any doctor do that to you unless it has really been determined that you need it. This is another subject for study as many books have been written about how medical protocols & procedures actually increase the number of c-sections. Gary got some help from God as a La Leche League Christian friend of mine gave me a copy of Mary Pride's The Way Home. I read it and everything clicked (except the part about pain of course).
To be cont.